How My Grandmother Ruined My Life
by atrivianni
Summary: Sasori's a reclusive college student. His grandmother has different plans for her only grandson. In comes Deidara babbling about clay explosion in his dorm room. Rated M just in case. AU. Will include other pairings .
1. Chapter 1

He came running into the econ. seminar fifteen minutes late, out of breath and babbling about about an art explosion in his dorm room.

The professor, who also happened to be my grandmother, perked up at the mention of art. Despite my frantic shake of my head, she directed him to the seat next to me so "the two artists could _bond_."

The guy had a constant supply of words, and he seemed to perceive my silence as an offer of friendship.

Needless to say, my grandmother was delighted. Barging into my apartment at 7 A.M. on Saturday (I strongly regret giving her a key), she announced, "Sasori, you spend too much time locked in your room. it's time you go out with friends."

"Granny," I groaned, "I need to focus on painting. And college people are too immature to grasp an understanding my art." And with that, I bade her goodbye and snuggled back into my sheets.

She yanked off my blankets, and smiled down sweetly.

"What about Deidara?" she asked, "He seems like a nice boy, a fine artist too. I met him at the Ato's last week when I was picking up your acrylics."

"Artists are not meant to get along," I muttered into my pillow, "Kasan's clay crap is incompetent and meaningless. I wouldn't be surprised if he told you the same about my paintings."

"Nonsense," she scolded, "He spoke _highly _of you." Ending her speech with a girlish laugh, she yanked me up by the ear and engulfed me in a bear hug.

"My baby Sasori has finally made a friend!" she squealed.

"For the last time, Granny!" I said exasperated, "Deidara and I are _not _friends!"

"Fine, fine," she relented. After ruffling my hair and telling me to eat more, Granny left the room.

She called Deidara later that day, inviting him over for tea the following afternoon.

The next day, I received a call from my grandmother in the afternoon. She told me her lamp was broken, and she needed it fixed _immediately_.

Now, in the course of her lifetime, my grandmother has somehow managed to accumulate an astronomical amount of money. If I didn't love her so much, I would have just told her to use another one of her ninety plus lamps that she had in her 23 bedroom mansion.

Granny's wealth has also been a source of debate amongst my family. Seeing how she is a college professor, my uncle decided to ask her about it at a Thanksgiving dinner. She winked and lead him into a room encased by double titanium doors while the rest of the family looked on curiously.

It was a couple years before my uncle gathered enough bravery to attend another familial event.

Granny has at least fifty servants on her manor, so I was surprised that she couldn't a single one to show her where the lamp's on switch was.

Nevertheless, I put on my scarf and walked out into the chilly autumn day, cursing my undying love for my insanely rich Granny.

It seemed like Granny had already found her butlers when I arrived, as two of them were currently restraining me from escaping after I saw Deidara seated at the table.

"Let. Me. Go." I struggled in vain, but Granny enjoyed domestic eye candy, so I was no match against those two Brad Pitt doppelgangers.

"Now, now, Sasori," Granny chirped, "That is way to behave around our guest. Deidara, please excuse my grandson's lacking manners."

Resigned, I settled down in my chair and shot a nasty glare towards the cause of my despair. As expected, Deidara remained oblivious to my daggers of hatred and maintained his cheery demeanor.

It was like he had three mouths. Grandma's little _party _consisted of Deidara chattering about school to the germinating season for various flowers. I could see the vibrations of his sound waves echoing in my tea cup. Deidara would not shut up.

And, of course, Granny _loved _him. "So Deidara," she asked, grinning like a Cheshire cat as she placed another croissant onto his plate, "Do you remember the first day of my class?"

"How could I forget," he replied, _still _smiling, "With an awesome and pretty teacher like you, all of my friends were jealous." He winked. I bristled.

Granny laughed,"Oh, you're so adorable Deidara."

Before I could stop myself, I blurted,"But Granny!"

They both looked at me.

"What is it, Sasori?" she asked.

I whined, "I'm suppose to be your adorable one."

She sighed, "Yes, Sasori, you know I'll love you. But for me, Deidara is a breath of fresh air."

At this point, I was ready to get out my seat and strangle the jerk. Right before I was about to initiate my attack, I realized that one of the Brad Pitts was still in the room. Reviewing the events that occurred thirty minutes ago, I courageously decided to wait for him to leave before I did anything.

So I sat there and continued to glare.

"There reason I'm asking," Granny continued,"is because you mentioned something about an explosion that morning."

Deidara perked up. "Oh yeah!" he exclaimed,"The clay I was working with at that time had these reactive metals in it. My roommate left it underneath a window, and the sunlight made it go BANG!"

"Oh my!" Granny put a hand to her heart,"No one was injured though, right?"

"Everyone was fine, albeit a little shaken up," he laughed, "Well I guess that's the problem with being an artist in a dorm. There's not much space, so people keep on moving other people's stuff. And then something like this happens. But-"

"Wait," Granny interrupted, "So you're saying that your dorm is too small?"

He shrugged, "Well-"

"I have a great idea!" she exclaimed, "Sasori here lives in his own apartment. It has two bedrooms, and you'll have plenty of room to work on with your clay. Plus, you two are best friends, so it shouldn't be a problem."

"Seriously?" he asked dubiously, looking at me, "You really wouldn't mind, Sasori?"

"Umm," I cleared my throat, "you see Granny, I am really busy right now with my college courses, and I need a quiet environment to study for assessments and do my homework. So a roommate is really not the best addition to my current lifestyle. I hope you understand."

Deidara moved in a week later.


	2. Chapter 2

Deidara peeked through"Saaasoor- ugh!" The pillow hit him square in the face, and he fell to the floor with a thud.

"Shut up, brat. I'm working," I grumbled.

The nuisance got up and _continued _to annoy me. "What are you making over there?" he asked.

"Puppets," I snapped, "Now will you please leave?"

"Aw, I'm hurt," he sniffed and pretended to wipe off a tear, "maybe I should go over to Granny's and-"

At the mention of woman that even God feared, I jumped up in alarm. "Fine! Go grab me those pliers." "Yes, _danna," _he saluted me and marched towards my cabinet, looking exactly like the idiot he was.

"Danna?" I asked, confused.

After tossing me the pliers, he plopped down next to my bench and tilted my face towards him, and _kissed me_. "Because I want to," he said with a wink, "Let's play, _Danna_."

Whether Deidara said anything after that, I would not know. I was too busy screaming as I ran out of the door, making sure to slam the door just in case his kissing germs spread to the rest of city.

_Ring! Ring__!_

"Come on, pick up Granny!" I whispered, hurriedly shifting my gaze from left to right, just in case a super effeminate man with clay-streaked hands and hair long than that of a unicorn's decided to jump out and sexually assault me.

o.O.o

Fortunately, Granny's libido was relatively (and I do mean relatively) low that day, so she managed to pick up after the fourth ring. "Sasori, dear," she sighed, " this better be an emergency. I've got two rather handsome young men escorting me to the gala tonight, and I hear one of them has a piercing, you know," she lowered her voice, "down _there_. But then again, we can't be sure, so I guess I'll have to check -"

"Granny!" I hissed, "There is a pervert in my apartment."

She sighed, "You must be joking, Sasori."

"I am most certainly not!" I replied indignantly, "What do I do?"

"Sasori Akasuna" I flinched when she used my full name, "You're telling me that there is a person in your apartment who is physically attracted to you, and you have no idea what to do?"

"Umm, yes?" I said meekly, unsure of where Granny, "But-"

"Kill him," she said," or fuck him. Here's an even better idea. Fuck him and then kill him. That way, you can have your cake and eat it."

"Granny," I groaned, "sometimes I don't even know if you speak in English or just in sexual innuendos."

"Suck it Sasori," I could practically hear Granny grin.

"I'm serious, Granny. Deidara needs to go." There was a slight pause on the other end. "Wait," Granny began, "_Deidara_ is the pervert in your apartment?"

Throwing my hands up in the air, I made a promise to myself that never again would I sacrifice both my pride and dignity lining up for at the cashier at Barnes and Nobles, holding three copies of Fifty Shades of Grey. Granny was gonna need to get someone else to satisfy her literary urges. "Granny! He tried to kiss this morning! I could have been raped!"

"Oh Sasori," she chuckled, "It's not rape if you like it."

"GRANNY!" Before I could said anything further, a soft "Dannaaaa" floated from the nearby coffee shop. Deidara was standing outside, one hand holding a styrofoam cup, the other waving hello.

"Sasori, are you okay," asked Granny, worriedly. I held the phone close to my ear and gulped, "Uhh, umm." "Sasori?"

I could feel beads of sweat forming at the top of my forehead, "I uhh." Deidara was beginning to walk towards me. "Gotta go Granny!" With that, I stashed my phone into my back pocket and raced down the street back to my apartment.

o.O.o

I made it safely back to my apartment, making sure to lock the door. After mentally bleaching the images of Granny's boyfriend's piercing, I collapsed onto the sofa and fell into deep sleep.

_"You've been very disobedient lately, pet," Deidara whispered into my ear, "And for that, you need to be punished."_

_"No," I breathed, trying to loosen the grip of the knots tying my wrists. He leaned down so that his lips were touching my ear, "I think Dannnnna, that you would look nice with a noose hanging around your neck. I would control your breathing, your choking. Your whole body would belong to me. You would like that, wouldn't you?"_

_"Nnno," I moaned, "Deidara please -"_

_He slapped me in the face. "You do not speak unless you are asked a question," he snarled. He paused and after calming down, he tenderly caressed my cheek. "I'm sorry, Pet, but you know I cannot reward disobedience."_

_Taking off his pants, Deidara bent in front of me, hands on each side of my face, pulling my lips apart. "Say aaahhh" he instructed, thrusting forward._

I gagged, fighting to throw him off, but my struggling only served to fuel Deidara's lust as he began thrusting harder and further down my throat.

_"tsk tsk," he said, "Perhaps next time I should stick a vibrator in you. Perhaps then you'll learn to obey."_

_I could feel him tense up and the thrusts quickened in pace. "Do not swallow," he ordered. I hollowed my cheeks and braced myself. With a final groan, he pushed once more into my mouth. As told, I held the milky substance in my mouth._

_Deidara got up and rebuckled my pants. "Now, Pet," he chuckled, "you will hold my cum in your mouth for exactly three hours. I will be back then with new toys." Stopping at the door, he glanced back, "Oh, and if you do swallow it, trust me, there will be consequences."_

o.O.o

"AAAAAH!" I woke up with a start. "Jesus Christ," I gasped, my hand at my heart, "What the fuck was that?"

_It's not rape if you like it._

"Shut up, Granny," I muttered, throwing on my jacket as I stepped out of the apartment. One thing was for certain, even if strange things happened in dreams, in the real world, I topped.


End file.
